Do you ever feel tired of being you? Of looking out through these eyes, and pushing your body through those routines. Not depression, the endless grey landscape; just a grey day and daunting outlook.
Maybe it’s the dark time of year – ‘seasonally adjusted disorder’, or the end of a year that has not been especially fruitful. My house family is getting a bit elderly in the main, and without faith looks a bit unattractive to new acolytes.
Maybe it’s facing some challenges of personal obedience that I’ve faced before with mixed success, and needing to talk about it too.
Maybe it’s some weariness at demands that normally require you to hit the ground running, and I didn’t.
Maybe all of those.
It’ll pass, and I can enjoy having the Holy Spirit alongside inside (imagine living inside me; only such love would do that), enjoy still having good mobility and health, enjoy the sunlight on the canal. I can enjoy friendship, which is sharing this experience of being on the inside of a particular person (Why on earth am I this very person, and not you?). Many things of course, but just now the energy is a bit low.
In the cellar, sitting beside the sea of God’s presence, there’s much more hope. Back there tomorrow morning, so I’ll look forward to that.
